A sunny day

With the arrival of Spring, I find that it is a lot harder to stay in my little bubble of Agematsu, and I mean psychologically. Problems that weren't so dramatic are now becoming more serious, and people who I have put up with are getting more annoying. I guess winter has a way of defeating you, making you stay inside and try to find comfort in your little space, while spring has a way of making you get up and outside and want more out of your environment, your nature, and experiences. Now that I want more, like I want to have a comfortable working environment and I want to be able to communicate on a level that I can appreciate on a day to day basis, I'm finding it really hard to put up with the teachers room, the lack of people who try to speak to me (this is all in the teacher's room, if it was jsut the town of Agematsu everything would be great, the teachers room is just full of people who are very tense and don't really like to talk), and the uncomfortableness of it all. I'm certainly not the center of anybody else's life, but I really don't have anyone I can talk naturally to in the place I spend most of my time. I actually hate being a foreigner, which is bad because that's the whole point of me being in this program. But it's cool for a class or two, but not everyday. The kids are fulfilling but I need people on my level, and that's hard enough to find in America,; it's been hard here.

I don't know why they accepted people like me in the JET program. People who don't have a lot of experience with Japan, who don't speak the language. It seems that if I could just speak the language, my experiences here would be radically more fulfilling. I get tired out trying to communicate on a day to day basis, and akward conversations. Why didn't they take those kids that were fluent in Japanese, the ones who majored in it, and who I later heard weren't accepted.

Makes no sense. I need people who speak the same language as me, both in a literal sense and in a metaphoric sense. I knew when I went to study abroad in Argentina, I told myself don't visit a country you can't speak the language of (unless it's only for a brief time - I stayed in Argentina for a month about). I seem to have forgotten my own advice. The year has def been worth it, but this next year is going to be tough; my Japanese may get better but one year is not enough to feel like I would in my own language. It's hard enough for my own personality to come out in Japanese, for example, my humor just doesn't work here. I think even doing more at school, it might make it more rewarding, but I won't feel more comfortable. Maybe I just need to get out more, find more people who can speak English.

Anybody looking to be a JET, or working or living abroad, this post is a good read, because this must be what most people who live abroad without speaking the language must go through. I have a lot more sympathy for what my parents and all immigrants go through in America, now that I am an immigrant here. It doesn't matter who you are, unless you just have the ability to adapt really well, it is hard to be an immigrant.