Shut Down
So, I've liked this girl for a while, not knowing what to do and all, and it's been kind of back and forth (I know, I'm still a 15 year old when it ocmes to relationships, as my brother so kindly reminded me). By back and forth I mean that I know I like her, but I get so scared as happens when you really like somebody, and sometimes I'm just downright mean to her, cuz I don't know how to show somebody I like them. So, mixed messages? Probably. She has been giving some mixed messages too, but - oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, she's Japanese - so there's that complication. I don't know, maybe to Japanese people her messages was clear, but to me - I dunno. Japanese people have such a formality to conversation, and they are quiet in the teacher's room - oh yeah, more necessary information, she's a teacher at the shogakko - a new teacher, my age. I don't know how to talk sometimes while I'm in these teacher rooms, when I can be myself and and when I should be more aware of Japanese customs, but I'm learning - I guess this is just intercultural communication problems, something anybody would deal with. Anyways, to make a long story short, I finally got the courage to ask her out today. Where did I get that courage? One of my eikaiwa students told me - "dame de motto motto," which means it doesn't hurt to try. So rather than keep on driving myself insane trying to figure out if it was ok to make the move, I finally made the move. There's legitimate reasons she said no, legitimate reasons besides the simple "I don't like you," which I will refuse to believe cuz that just sucks. She's leaving for Tokyo in March. I was very surprised, but hey, I still made the move right. Gotta follow your heart at all times. She also has her test for elementary certificate next month. So she has to study. Aaah well, all this is better then hanging in the balance and just not knowing.
So, Mom, there's hope for you yet, maybe I will meet an Indian girl!! Not much luck here...
Aaah, shut down, I'll be crying myself to sleep tonight. Don't worry, I'm fine, I just like/need to write about what's going on. It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right, I hope you had the time of your life....
posted by Rishi Sidhu @ 5:40 AM
3 Comments:
Oh Rishi, I know it sucks. It always sucks. And all of us have experienced that kind of pain at some point. And all of us who are still navigating this world of “potentials” on our way to “the one,” will continue to be vulnerable to this type of hurt. But the good news is that it doesn’t last. I just read your essay “Success in Happiness” that is up on your friend Aaron’s site and I have to tell you, you have nothing to worry about. I’ve never heard anyone say that their long term happiness would depend in part on who they decide to spend their life with. And to hear that from a guy? A young guy? I have to say that you are a true catch and I can’t wait to meet the girl who’s blessed to “catch” you, because she will have to be equally amazing to deserve you. So…you can sulk for a little bit over the loss of this one. But then you have to pick your head up and get back out there because us girls need guys like you!!!
That's why I love you Mykella. That's the same type of thing my Dad said, yo, no worries - her loss. You know your true friends and fam during these moments of crises. My other friends (ahem, Aaron, Steve), just laughed at me. Quite loudly in fact. It was a gut reaction to laugh on there part, perhaps a little toooooo much of a gut reaction.... Maybe I need to start rethinking my friendships...j/k, I needed the laughter too, sometimes you have to be able to laugh when your a little sad.
My Dad said, in Hindi, well if not her, somebody else, and if not somebody else, well, then, somebody else!! I guess some things are universal. I'm doing all right though girl, nothing like a lit heartache to make you stronger.
Rishi my brother. All the years that I have known you and you are still the quiet shy boy in high school. Sometimes girls like guys who are more confident and know what they want. In order to build the necessary confidence be secure with your God given talents and just because she says "I don't like you" now does not mean she does not like you...she may not like the shy boy persona that you presented to her (your shy and insecure representative) but once she gets to know the passionate and intellectual Rishi, man how can she resist. Any woman can change their mind given the right motivation and stimulation.
Your brother from another mother,
Zoi
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